Poem: The Curve of Time

You might as well befriend the moon–
embrace her clouded peekaboos.
And music . . .

Receive the tune–
you have no time to choose–
alone in a crowd or
with no one in view.
And a smell . . .

Wafts past your nose–
what's that?
Or who?

Perfume on skin or a place that you knew?
Pause.
No need to wonder—you know who that was—
and who you are
as nostalgia winds the second hand 'round.

"Time is a straight line," said he
"It moves consecutively,
watches as it goes
behind and below
like walking on a path
that winds into—
well—
no one knows."

"No one knows,
that's right," said she.
"Simply put, I do agree.
But there's no line to speak of.
Time bends–not like a knee–
more like a finger touching its thumb
or a rainbow finding it's spherical end
and celebrating with a gentle, 'Come.'"

Time returns to the places we've been.
One says, "That memory is far."
Another, "The moment is here to stay."
Yesterday can be put down
but the nows of that day
pop up from the ground
without notice
or sound
to delight or confound–
it depends on the soiled seconds
into which it was bound–
moments become recollections and
recollections are seeds
with a life of their own.

Promises and hope
gentleness and rage
a touch, a glance
a well-appointed room
or a half-written page–
all are sown into our skin
and find their rest in
smiles and tears
repose and toil
love and loss
freedom and cost
and the way the sunlight lay across
the earth at the end or
when it all began.

"That was back then," said he.
"That is today," said she.
The Minutes listened closely,
"There is wisdom in both."
Time smiled wryly
crouched smugly and quietly
behind an Autumn tree
waiting for the final leaf to fall.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025
Berührungspunkt (c) 2016 Ruprecht von Kaufmann (oil on linoleum) – Courtesy Galerie Crone

Eva Mozes Kor and the Price of Forgiveness

By Jill Szoo Wilson

Eva Mozes Kor often said, “Anger is a seed for war, forgiveness is a seed for peace.” It was more than a slogan. It was a theology, a philosophy, and a daily discipline forged from one of the darkest chapters in human history. As a child imprisoned in Auschwitz and subjected to the medical experiments of Josef Mengele, Eva discovered that survival demanded a defiant hope. Decades later, she chose forgiveness as a form of liberation that offered survivors a path toward healing. Her decision inspired admiration and deep respect, and it also sparked fierce debate about justice, memory, and the boundaries of human compassion. The peace she pursued required extraordinary courage, because every step forward in forgiveness carried a cost.

I recently revisited one of Eva’s emails, a message filled with the kind of raw honesty that few people ever achieve. It was written in her unmistakable, unpolished style: urgent, passionate, and deeply personal. In it, she reflected on the consequences of her decision to forgive a former Nazi doctor, Dr. Hans Münch, and the relentless challenges she faced in opening CANDLES Holocaust Museum.

Reading it now, years after her passing, I am struck by how unyielding she was in the face of criticism, injustice, and personal danger. She did not simply speak about forgiveness. She lived it, even when it cost her dearly.

The Controversy Over Forgiving a Nazi

In 1995, on the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, Eva Mozes Kor did something unthinkable to many: she publicly forgave the Nazis. More than that, she stood beside Dr. Hans Münch, a former SS doctor at Auschwitz, and signed a declaration of forgiveness.

The backlash was immediate and fierce.

Israeli media framed the moment as a betrayal. Footage of Eva walking with Münch was broadcast again and again, without the context behind it.

A major Israeli newspaper published a scathing article, questioning whether any publicity was better than being ignored entirely.

In 1998, journalist Bruno Schirra published an interview with Münch in Der Spiegel, where the former SS doctor made remarks about his time in Auschwitz. The interview triggered a criminal investigation in Germany.

Around the same time, a French radio interview with Münch led to an even more explosive controversy. His derogatory remarks about Roma and Sinti people resulted in criminal charges in France for inciting racial hatred.

The consequences were devastating.

Münch and his family faced public scrutiny, threats, and harassment. In Germany, legal action pushed toward trial despite his diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease.

In a personal email to me, Eva shared that Münch’s home was firebombed three times after his address was published in an article, requiring police protection for his family. I have not been able to verify this in any public record or independent source. It was her own account, offered behind the scenes, reflecting the weight she felt over what was happening to Münch and his loved ones.

Eva was horrified by what was unfolding. She had spent years advocating for justice. Now, she found herself advocating for mercy.

She sent more than 50 letters pleading with authorities to drop the lawsuits against Münch, but the legal proceedings continued.

In 2001, Münch was convicted in France. His sentence was waived due to his age and deteriorating mental state. He passed away later that year.

Eva felt a complicated kind of relief. Münch’s family was finally free from further attacks, and she no longer carried the guilt of contributing to their suffering.

The Fight to Build CANDLES Holocaust Museum

By 1995, Eva Mozes Kor had already reinvented herself many times: Holocaust survivor, public speaker, and founder of CANDLES (Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors) in 1984. That year, she took on yet another role as a museum founder.

The CANDLES Holocaust Museum and Education Center was an extension of Eva’s mission to teach others about the Holocaust and the experiments performed on her and other Mengele Twins. She wanted to create a permanent place of education, remembrance, and dialogue.

Opening the museum was no small feat.

She found a commercial building in Terre Haute, Indiana, but it was too large and too expensive for the original client she was working with as a realtor. Instead, she made a bold and risky decision to secure financing under her own name, her husband’s name, and a partner’s name to purchase the building herself.

At 61 years old, she signed a $168,000 mortgage, despite her husband’s hesitation.

With limited funds for exhibits, she handmade decorations, including a wall of blue paper strips that read:

“LET US REMOVE ALL HATRED AND PREJUDICE IN THE WORLD, AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME!”

When the museum opened on April 30, 1995, it quickly became a vital educational resource, drawing teachers, students, and community members eager to learn from Eva’s story.

Then everything changed after 9/11.

Her business partner, who owned a travel agency, struggled to keep her business afloat. The economic downturn was crushing. Eva was forced to buy out her partner’s share of the building at a much higher price, not to expand but simply to save the museum.

By 2002, at age 68, she and her husband took out a $222,000 mortgage to keep CANDLES alive.

The Fire That Could Not Destroy Her Mission

In November 2003, Eva Mozes Kor received a phone call in the middle of the night.

“Mrs. Kor, this is the police department. You need to come to the museum. There is a fire.”

She and her husband rushed to the scene. By the time they arrived, flames were already devouring the building. Firefighters battled the blaze, but it was too late. Everything inside was lost: photographs, historical documents, survivor testimonies, and artifacts.

She stood there watching as the place she had built with her own hands, her own money, and her own pain collapsed into smoldering rubble.

Investigators then found a message spray-painted on an exterior wall in black:

“REMEMBER TIMMY MCVEIGH.”

Timothy McVeigh, the domestic terrorist behind the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, had been executed in Terre Haute just two years earlier. The implication was chilling. This was an act of hatred and intimidation meant to silence her.

But Eva had spent her entire life surviving the worst of humanity.

The next morning, standing in front of the ashes, she made a decision.

“We will rebuild.”

And she did.

With support from the community, from Holocaust educators, and from donors around the world, CANDLES Holocaust Museum rose from the ruins and reopened in 2005, stronger than before.

You can burn down a building. You cannot destroy a mission.

The Legacy of a Fighter

Most people would have stopped. Most would have looked at the destruction of their museum as a sign to walk away.

But Eva rebuilt.

The email she sent me that recounted this event, full of spelling errors, fragmented sentences, and scattered thoughts, perfectly reflected who she was:

Unpolished, yet utterly real.
Wounded, yet relentless.
Misunderstood, yet unwilling to back down.

Eva Mozes Kor understood something most people do not. Forgiveness does not rewrite the past. It does not fix what was broken. But it allows a person to stop carrying what cannot be undone.

She was never naive. She knew the world was cruel, unjust, indifferent.

She fought anyway.

She did not stop.

What This Means for Us

Eva’s story is not only about forgiveness. It is about resilience in the face of resistance. It is about choosing to build when the world wants to destroy.

Her words still challenge me.

Could I have made the same choices? Would I have kept going? Would I have had the courage to stand alone?

Perhaps that is the lesson she left for us.

Forgiveness is a gift. The fight for something bigger than yourself is what makes history.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025

Featured Image photo credit: WFYI Indianapolis, 2021

Poem: Opposite Sides of the Wall

I wrote this poem after visiting Berlin in 2015, where I was fascinated by the messages people had left on the remains of the Wall. This piece was inspired by one of those messages.

From the highest story

Of a building gray and cracked

Peer two eyes

Through dusty window panes

Pestered by a mosquito

Flying along the edges.


Below the eyes

A hand

Holding tin

Filled with coffee

Cold and strong—

A cigarette burning.


The fog of stagnation

Fills the room

As one wisp of smoke

Links arms with another

A silent dirge

Circling like vultures.


Her gaze is blank

She closes her eyes

Then opens them wide

Each closing a respite

Followed by

Disappointment.


She sighs

She coughs

She smiles for a moment

As the mosquito

Bumps against the glass

Bruised and trapped.


Above her head

Noisy neighbors shout

The song of frustration

Rings out and falls

Pulled by gravity and

By doubt.


She begins to hum a tune

She has not heard

Since she held a doll

Inside chubby arms

And kissed its head

With sugary lips.


Her raspy alto

Lays itself on the notes

Her Now

Transposes the music

From major to

Minor keys.


The mosquito brushes past

Her hand

And then lands and

Sticks his needle

Into her skin—

She observes the transaction.


A flashing light—


Her gaze arrested

Handcuffed to a mirror

Reflecting the sun a

A Morse Code message

.-.. --- ...- .

Which translates, “Love.”


She dunks her cigarette

Into her mug

Shakes her hand

The mosquito falls

Disconcerted but

Full.


She strikes a match

Holds it to a candle

Thick and matted

Like a paint brush

Spotted with colors

Dried from previous use.


A thin line rises from the flame

Gentle in its approach

And dancing in the haze—

She lowers and raises her hand

.- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ...


“Always,”

She replies

In this expression

They devised

From opposite sides of

The wall.


She blows out the fire

Puts her hand to the glass

Closes her eyes and

Kisses the air

As though it is

The last kiss in the world.


He lifts his fingers

Catches her lips

In mid-air—

Hungrily brings them down

Pressing their sweetness hard

Against his own.


The moment has passed

But their love

Will last—

Reach beyond time and space

Breaking past

The Wall.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2015
I took this photo at the remains of the Berlin Wall in the Spring of 2015. I was fascinated by the quotes spray-painted on the wall.

Poem: Love and Alive

Every day he comes and goes
Like a beggar on the street,
With no way to turn
But the direction from which he came.

If the streets were carpeted—
Soft to the touch—
The tread of his soles would
Scratch holes through the path
He has
Worn.

Worn out, the man with the
Briefcase breathes heavily
Under the sun and
Under the moon,
Inhaling and
Exhaling as he travels,
Blind as he goes—
Not because he has no head,
But because he feels no pain
Or joy.
He is numb.

Numb since the day she
Walked away,
And numb when he remembers
The way
Her hips sway—
This way and that.
And numb when he
Thinks of her name but cannot
Say it—
Silent.

Silently, the bird in his soul—
The bird whose name is
Alive—
Perches at the edge of her
Cage whose name is
Life,
And wishes for the day
She might once again
Begin
To
Fly.

Flying in the air
Above the man
Is a bird whose name is
Love.
He flies up high and
Then he dips
And twirls,
Like the tail of a kite giggling
In the wind,
Awaiting the moment when
The Man
Opens his coat and
Sits on his bench
And sleeps—
Like a beggar on the street
Dreaming.

Dreaming of her face—
The only face that is
Trapped inside the Man's soul.
Love watches with a keen and
Clever eye.

In one moment—
A moment whose approach is slow,
Whose arrival is timed
By the gods,
Whose watches are synchronized
To the beating of
Bird and human hearts—
The vigilant bird
Sees
The coat fall open,
Sees
The Man sit down on his bench,
Sees
Him close his eyes and
Seizes his
Freedom.

“Freedom does not live in the sky,”
He sings.
“Freedom lives inside Alive.”

Love drifts down
Through blue and through clouds
And alights
With bars between himself and
Her—
The one who holds his
Heart
Inside of her,
Inside a cage.
The one who
Knew he would
Come.

“Come to me every day,”
She wanted to say.
But instead, she said,
“You must not waste the time
Waiting by my side,
When all the world
Sprawls before your gaze.”

Love ruffled his feathers
And looked into her eyes.
“Until you are here with
Me—
Just you and me—
I will come and sit with you
Every day.”

Every day, Love came,
Just as he said he would,
And the earth turned slowly
From summer
To autumn
To winter
To spring.

Their stories grew, and
The details they knew
Poured through the bars
Like drops of water
Flowing
From watering cans,
Growing their love,
Growing him and growing
Her.

Her days inside,
Her will to survive—
Alive and Love
Together traveled through,
Until the day
The Man stepped anew
Off his carpet of same,
Tattered and
Worn through by
His shoes—
First one and then two—
Onto a path where four
Could move:
His loafers and
Her high heels of
Blue.

Blue turned to joy,
Joy turned to alive,
And Alive for the first time
Flew.
The Man let her fly,
As his heart said
Goodbye to the
Pain that was keeping
Alive inside the cage,
Inside his
Soul.

Souls in the air,
Free with
Togetherness,
No longer bound
But soaring high,
Strengthened by
The time in the cage
And by flying
Side
By
Side.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025

Did You Think You Were the Only One?

A probably true tale about order, ambition, and the secret lives keeping the city running while we’re busy thinking we do.

Men with briefcases move up and down the streets like ants: all in lines, moving this way and that. Scouts sent forth from their secret dwellings, with secrets at their sides and secrets in their minds. They rush into the world to gather and to hunt, and when the day is done they hold their provision over their heads, like ants, but also like African women carrying water back to their children.

All is a race, if you think of it thus.

In the shadowed jungles of the sewer holes and pipes that run wild under the city, there is another kind of race. As the suits and ties vibrate with the ticking of the clock above, there are men and women of valor whose orders have been pecked out by feats of daring and strength. Yellow eyes, but sometimes green, flash through the underground tunnels and make plans for the sun-filled above.

The cats run the city below the city, and there is nothing we can do to stop them.

“I call to order the weak and the strong; everyone has their place. Some of us thin and some of us fat, all are fit to run the race.” Garrin’s voice was loud: a little too loud, to be honest. It rose into the echoing chambers of the 27th District of the sewer line and fell flat with self-importance, but also boredom. Garrin was wry and dry and not at all shy, which is why he was elected to the position of Mayor.

Their voices and fur fill the underground roads. If you don’t believe me, just ask them yourself.

Camille, a mostly white cat, lay on the recently swept floor and licked her right paw. “Garrin, I need to be given my daily task now because I have to be home early this evening. One of the humans I live with keeps feeding my kittens milk, which is giving them diarrhea, so I want to be home in time to feed them myself.”

“I know what you mean,” said Fluffy McHairball (a name given to her by a female human with no imagination at all). Fluffy continued, “My kids are growing up without me, Garrin. You’re giving us too much to do.”

Garrin laughed out of the corner of his mouth as his tail wagged back and forth, giving away his annoyance. “Ladies, please. I can announce the daily tasks with speed and efficiency as soon as you stop complaining.”

Camille did not appreciate Garrin’s belittling tone. She lowered her ears, looked away, and wrapped her tail around herself. “Spoken like a man whose kittens are grown,” she whispered. The other women around her chuckled and rolled their eyes.

Ignoring Camille and the attention she drew, Garrin began to announce the daily tasks to the cats under his charge, in alphabetical order, of course.

“Anthony, I need you to target the garbage bins outside the seafood restaurants today. As we are all aware, I had to fire Catpernicus last week because his was the seafood beat and he was woefully lazy, thus, the embarrassing shortage of seafood in our storage bins.” Anthony stood like a soldier, ready and willing to carry out his newly given orders.

“Yes, sir,” said the young Anthony, whose voice creaked with puberty when he spoke.

“Bartholomew,” Garrin continued, “you’ve done well on your rounds as of late, so I am promoting you to the Starbucks run. We need you to carry as many of the cup sleeves back as possible because, let’s be honest, they are fun to play with and they work well as portable scratchers.”

“Garrin, you’ve got to be joking!” interrupted Fluffy. “The humans may not mind depleting the forests for such waste, but we do not need to be a part of the madness by collecting their bad choices.”

Garrin’s tail began again to wag unconsciously with annoyance. “Fluffy, please. If you are ever mayor (which I doubt), you can make the decisions. As you know, we have brought your grievance to the Board of Governors, and they have settled the issue. The cup sleeves are useful to us, and we are not the ones cutting down the trees. Can I please continue so you can all begin and end your day in a timely manner?”

Fluffy yawned in disgust and then licked herself in spite.

Feeling the weight of their insubordination, Garrin listed the rest of the daily tasks in quick succession and then ended their meeting with the familiar chant:
“Go forth into the streets, the weak and the strong, everyone has their place. Some of us thin and some of us fat, all are fit to run the race.”

The young cats exited the tunnels with fervor, and the older cats sauntered into the shadows with their tails pointing high in the air, in Garrin’s general direction.

Did you think we were the only ones who daily race about like ants? I hope you will accept that sometimes you are wrong.

Camille’s eyes squinted as she climbed into the sunshine. The day was warm, and the sky was bright blue, the way it often is when spring blankets the earth. She liked the way the warmth of the sun sank into her coat and how the steamy cement of the street felt under her paws.

“Climb the highest branch of the highest tree and loudly cry,” she repeated her daily task into the air around her. “How embarrassing,” she said to herself. “And I am sure to break a claw.”

Camille’s task was the most loathed of the daily tasks, more of a monthly task really, but someone had to do it. Today it was her turn. The objective of the task was simple: it served as a test of the emergency services at their disposal. “This is only a test,” Garrin’s instructions replayed in her head.

It would be horrible if one of the kittens ever jumped onto a tree and ran to the top only to find that the local Fire Department had silently decided they would no longer be saving furry, four-legged babies from the highest branches. So today, Camille was charged with the job of testing their emergency system. “For the children,” she reminded herself.

As she trotted up and down the streets, through human legs covered with denim, under long cotton dresses that smelled like perfume, and around strollers filled with crying babies, Camille looked for the highest tree.

“Hi, Camille,” said Rupert, an overweight English Bulldog, as she walked along her path.

Camille answered with her ears held high, “Hi there, Rupert. Nice collar. Is it new?”

“Ah, Camille, that is what I love about you. You’re so observant. And nice to observe, if you know what I mean. If only we were the same species. If you know what I mean.”

She knew what he meant.

“You’re a charmer, Rupert! Have a nice day.”

Rupert passed her and then turned to watch her as she sauntered away.

Moments after she passed Rupert, Camille spotted a tree that towered above most others along the sidewalks within her district. It stood across the street near one of the many Starbucks along this road, and she watched for a moment as Bartholomew pranced away from the garbage can outside the door. He was carrying three cup sleeves between his teeth, and crumbs of a scone fell from the sides of his mouth. “Garrin will be so pleased,” she thought to herself.

After looking both ways, which is the number one rule in their employee handbook called Roadkill: A Manual of Safety and Instruction, Camille headed toward the tree.

Camille sat at the base of the tree and looked up. She closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the breeze that blew past her nose in the shade of the leaves. She could hear the sounds of the city street, the honking cars, the women clicking about in their high heels, and the men talking to ghosts on their Bluetooth devices, and she swayed to the rhythm of the cacophony. She could smell the bread newly baked in the bakery and the hint of ground coffee wafting onto the sidewalk from inside the Starbucks. Camille took in a deep breath through her nose and released it out through her mouth, a moment of meditation and being present.

It is good to pause and enjoy the moment.

Camille stretched out her two front paws and stretched deeply into her back paws before calmly and aptly climbing the highest tree. She had done this many times before. Once she reached the top, she lifted her voice even higher. “Meow!” she called. And then again. And again. Camille’s body was mostly hidden by the network of branches and leaves surrounding her, which gave her the courage to sing with volume and flair. To be honest, she had a great singing voice.

Suddenly, a shriek filled the air, breaking into the cacophony of sound on the city streets, and the sunlight was joined by hues of red and blue. The cars stopped honking, the women stopped clicking, and the men exchanged their long sentences for pleas to “wait” and “hold on.” The fire truck came screaming down the road, and Camille felt proud of her performance among the leaves that danced around her.

Within a matter of minutes, a particularly handsome fireman was lowering Camille from the tree and placing her paws gently on the warm sidewalk. Sounds of applause filled the air like a symphony conducted for a hero. The fireman blushed, Camille rubbed a “thank you” against his leg, and both trotted off in separate directions, pleased with the jobs they had done.

We all feel proud to have done our jobs well. Oh, did you think it was only you?

Her daily task completed, Camille felt free and content. She thought of strolling home, but realizing dinner time was still hours away, she made her way down a side street that led to the park.

A grassy knoll filled with light saw Camille walking his way, and he called for her to spread out atop his softness.

Nature speaks its desires and enjoys the companionship of those who listen. If you listen to it, you will know what I mean.

Camille lay in the center of the grassy knoll, careful not to dip her tail into the water below, and closed her eyes. She rolled her head back and forth to enjoy the shades of orange and yellow and red frolicking behind her eyelids. She could feel the heat of the ground on her back and the heat of sun on her stomach. She breathed in through her nose and released through her mouth, in and out, in and out, until her consciousness slipped into dreaming.

As she slept, the world around Camille continued to huff and to puff, like a train on a track with a destination to reach. Men with briefcases moved up and down the streets like ants, all in lines, moving this way and that. Scouts sent forth from their secret dwellings, with secrets at their sides and secrets in their minds.

Did you think you were the only one?

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025

Painting by Heiko Müller

Poem: She Spoke Of Love

A moment before, floating in the sun

My love beside me

Warm and glowing

Her eyes ablaze with rays of light

Her darkness concealed in

Illumination.


A moment before, she spoke of love

My friend beside me

Kind and gentle

Her smile warmed but burned

Her face like wax

Melting.


I wanted to see my love through the brightness of stars

The universe brought low and waiting

Swirling about my hands and mind

Becoming one with all that breathes

And pants

And lives

And dies


A moment before, I removed my gloves

My fire beside me

Trembling and stiff

Her fingers felt but did not touch

Her hand in mine only

Embers.


A moment before, she swallowed words

My pain beside me

Inflamed and suffering

Her silence thickened in my throat

Her Nothing choked

Suffocating.


I wanted to see my love through the brightness of stars

The universe brought low and waiting

Wrapping my cold in warmth

Like a child crying

But hopeful

But calming

But safe


A moment before, the snow dropped down

My hope beside me

Present and vacant

Her ruffled dress covered with water

Her boots muddied with

Goodbye.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2015

Poem: Moonlight We

The sun grows hours

Then burns them dry

Like

Tumbleweeds

Blow by the days

And we

The cattle drivers

Saddle the minutes

And ride them,

Guide them from atop

Their prickly backs.


The Sunlight We

Strap on our shoes

Tattered at the soles

To tread

A line

Publicly defined by

The rules of

Marketplace

And who the other

We’s expect us all

To be.


Astride atop

Rolling ticks and tocks

And traveling

Through noon time

Crowds of We

Is She—

An explorer whose eyes

Are lifted

Toward the sky

Inside a sea of eyes

Seeing same.


The busy pavement

Vibrates with progress

As defined

By hand held devices

That shine

In daytime rays

And ricochet

Blinding

The gaze

Of the masked We

Stumbling at a gallop’s pace.


But she—

She sees.


She sees what is real

In the moment defined

Not confined by

What she should

Why she ought or

Questioning

Why she would

She rides the time

And feels the warmth

Of the sun instead of

Using it for light.


Reflection of the sun can be seen everywhere.

Embracing now

A give and take

Of new and ideas

And what does it mean

She offers herself

To the questions

That rise

Dwells in the

Wonder

Of wandering

Free.


And he—

He sees.


Along the trail

Sprawling on every side

Is one—

A He—

Who rides his own

Tumbleweed time

Carrying boredom

Wrapped in

Discontent

Searching for what

Is relevant.


His eyes wide open

Heart behind a shield

He journeys

With a purpose

Gone cold

Like a campfire

Dwindling—

He rubs his hands together

Above reasons

That fail

To keep him warm.


Until the moment

Just one moment

He

Amidst a thousand eyes

Sees

She

The only she

In a sea of

We

Whose awareness

Pierces the shield of his own.

No words exchanged—

Not yet—

But the moment is frozen still

The sun holds its place

And reveals

Details of her face

As though

The opulent

Fiery star above

Is painting

Something new.


“Hello,”

Says she and

“Hello,”

Says he and the sea of

We begins to roar

Once again.

He asks,

“Can you travel

This way?

If only

Today?”


He smiles—

Not only his lips

But eyes brightly

Joining as

His hands begin to warm.

She accepts

His invitation,

“I will come

Your way

Let’s not delay

The sun will set into night.”


Two journeys become

One moonlight We

As the day stumbles

Behind the moon—

The moon that stops

The growth of time

Replacing stars

For minutes

And silence for sound

When all around

Disappears

Into a single

You.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2023

Read more by Jill Szoo Wilson on Substack.

Poem: The Reaching

If ever a UFO landed on your head—

She thinks that's a weird question.

No UFO has!


I wasn’t talking to you.

But to you . . .


Pretend one has.


What do you think it would feel like?

Imagine it.

Go on.

I will wait.


[A sparrow flies by]


I am not asking how heavy it is or

Cold or

Bumpy or

Smooth:

You could not really know such things

At all.

I am asking what you would feel like inside—

She would feel like an idiot!


But if it was really there . . . on your head—

On her head? What is this ridiculous riddle?


Okay not on your head, but over . . .


If you ran out of your home

With no where to go

Your hair was torn and

Bruises and

The smell of whiskey

And cigars

On your face—


If your shoes were untied

And you saw your mother cry

And you didn’t want to stay

One more second

In that place.


If the air was so cold

You could see your breath

Shooting into the night

Like a jet engine beginning a race

So you slowed your pace

And panted and heaved

And your knees buckle under you

With disgrace.


Let us pretend the aloneness

You feel—

It’s just a feeling, she's not alone!


But still . . .


Your aloneness is real

With no one to call

And if you turned back now

You would be thrown against a wall.

So despite your

Aloneness

You crawl

To safety and the blackest woods

You embrace.


If in that space

You held on tight to a

Branch you could reach

Or the neck of a deer

Or the paw of a bear

Until

At last

You saw glowing near

A rounded

Machine with light bulbs you could see

And a sound you could hear

Like a robot giving chase.


What would you think—

She would think she was nuts!


Okay, maybe. But . . .


Would you believe your eyes

Or think your sanity was disguised

In the brain of a woman

Otherwise apt?

If you could touch and

Feel

Would you believe it was real?

And what about smell?

If you could smell the exhaust

Coming from the pipe

And taste the metal on the

Wind of the night

And hear a voice shrieking,

“We come from someplace” . . .


If it landed and

A hand

Came out from within

Would you look at your fingers

And kiss them goodbye

In case after touching they never returned

But still reach them out

And touch the warmth

Of an unknown hand

Unrecognizable

And trust

Even before you could see his face?


You can answer now—

She doesn't want to answer,

She thinks you’ve gone mad!



But there is no madness in the question. It is only a question . . .


“Yes,” she said.

And continued on,

“If I knew I was alone

Even in a crowd

And the sky delivered a mystery

I would.

Reach out.

And be brought in.”


Thank you for your honesty—

Thanks for nothing, you mean!


But thank you for telling the truth.


With a pair of eyes

Belonging only to her

She looked at the man

With the question,

“I would.”


© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025

Poem: Order From Chaos

Long ago two young men drew a map of the sky

Laying on their backs, perhaps,

Like children in tents with holes in the tops

They counted and connected the stars.


Order from chaos was formed in their eyes

Squinting into darkness

Blinded not by light but by enormity

And mysteries invisibly connected.


They traced routes with their fingers, point A to B,

Like homemade kites pursuing the way

With windy anticipation and

Lines to find what was or was not connected.


As the men grew beards, their love of the sky

Fell to the earth and to pieces.

Shatters of themselves were given away

To money, ambition, and work: disconnected.


One of the two held hands with success

Palms sweaty together and traveling

With compass pointed away from the heavens

And down to notifications and contacts: connected?


The other man poured his life slowly

Like a cup spilling over his family—a wife and two kids—

He drained all he had, a deluge of hope

And then gurgled and gasped as the woman fled: disconnected.


Alone—surprised by aloneness—

The un-wifed man lifted the tips of his naked fingers to the sky.

Suspended in air his hand wished to feel

To touch, to reach, to caress, to connect.


No alien hand reached with fingers to intertwine

So the man looked down, instead.

A tear dripped from his eye and onto his future:

Two children—looking up from the ground—

Counting and connecting the stars.


© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2015

The Courage to Imagine: Acting, Attention, and the Recovery of Interior Life


By Jill Szoo Wilson

Prologue

What follows are some specific thoughts on the role of the imagination and how I’m witnessing a slow decline in students’ ability to stick with a moment of “play” or creative imagination long enough to reach the truth embedded in the script.

When I began as a private acting coach a couple of decades ago, nearly all my students were either homeschooled or from Christian backgrounds. This was largely due to the environment in which I began. I had just graduated from a Christian university with my MFA in Acting and Directing for Theatre. During my time there, I helped design and launch a summer theatre camp, which drew a large following from the homeschool community. Many of those kids continued lessons with me long after camp was over.

Today, most of my students are no longer homeschooled, but many are still Christian. This is probably because many of my students already share a Christian worldview, and my teaching naturally aligns with it. I teach them how to act with technical skill, emotional honesty, and respect for the craft, as well as how to be artists and professionals in what is often a dark industry. We talk openly about integrity, boundaries, and how to navigate the pressures and temptations that come with performance culture. My goal is not just to prepare them for auditions or roles, but to help them become thoughtful, resilient artists who can carry the light of Christ into places where it’s often absent. I don’t market specifically to Christian students, but we have plenty of reasons to find each other and to enjoy working together.

That said, I do find that young Christian students tend to struggle with guilt and shame to a particularly high degree during the rehearsal process. We talk about it often. While I always choose material that is age-appropriate and content-appropriate for every student (and for myself, as I don’t enjoy lascivious or graphic pieces either), those who grew up in the church—Catholic, Lutheran, Evangelical, etc.—often feel very self-conscious as actors when they begin.

Girls are taught to be kind, service-oriented, loving, and demure. Boys are taught to be tough, heroic, good, and sensitive to the needs of others. These are all admirable traits. To be a man or woman of virtue, exhibiting the Fruit of the Spirit, should lie at the heart of our longing to be more like Christ. I could easily veer into an essay about how to marry our faith with our work, but for the sake of this particular piece, I’ll return to the central idea:

Christian students often struggle to play characters who don’t look like themselves or like those they aspire to become. Fair enough. But here’s the truth: life is full of good and evil. Villains and heroes. Builders and those who destroy. Most of us, over the course of a lifetime, are both. We’re all villains to some and heroes to others. We know what it is to build, and we know what it is to wound. To pretend otherwise is to whitewash life and ourselves, which usually leads to hiding in one way or another. So, it’s important for me to talk about redemptive stories with my students so they can confront this dichotomy rather than fearing it.

There are two kinds of redemptive stories: those that show us the good things that happen when we choose well, and those that show us the damage that occurs when we don’t.

That’s a simplified way to put it, but given that my students range in age from eight to fifty-five, the universality of this statement is often helpful to everyone for different reasons.

So, what do we do with the villains in the plays we read? What do we do when we agree to play Lady Macbeth in Macbeth, Regan in King Lear, or Medea in the title role? And what about Iago in Othello, Richard III, or Judge Turpin in Sweeney Todd? Do we flatten the character to fit inside our comfort zone? Do we avoid even considering the thought process of a conniver? Do we soften Medea’s rage to make the role more “Christian”?

I certainly hope not! If we do, we’re not being truthful. We’re pretending we never act with malice, selfishness, or harm. And if we refuse to embody those moments in a role—if we never stop to consider the villain’s position—we are denying ourselves an opportunity to understand something essential: that evil is not always monstrous or distant. Sometimes it begins with resentment. Or jealousy. Or the belief that we deserve more than we’ve received. Sometimes it begins with a wound. To engage that truth in rehearsal is not to condone it, but to confront it honestly. That kind of imaginative empathy sharpens discernment. It invites self-examination. It strengthens our ability to recognize corruption when it appears in ourselves or others. To avoid this work is not only to limit our range as actors, but to remain shallow as people.

Most of us will never seize power and destroy our father like Regan. Most of us will never seduce a woman named Lady Anne over her father-in-law’s corpse like Richard III. But if we take the time to understand the goodness of God and the brokenness of the world, we can, as Aristotle suggested, experience catharsis and reason together: I will not seduce. I will not murder. I’ve seen what happens when people do.

What follows are thoughts on the role of imagination in the life of an actor. To live truthfully in imaginary circumstances, we must first be willing to imagine.

The Studio and the Threshold of Imagination

This morning, I sat across from a college-aged student in a small studio, the kind with a well-worn rehearsal floor and no mirrors to distract. She was working through a dramatic monologue from King John, trying to locate the inner grief of Constance as she mourns the disappearance of her son, Arthur. The lines are some of Shakespeare’s most anguished:

“I am not mad; I would to heaven I were, For then ’tis like I should forget myself. O, if I could, what grief should I forget!”

My student is brilliant. She’s bright-eyed, classically educated, and emotionally intuitive. She understands the language and the circumstances. She grasps the weight of the moment intellectually. And yet, she struggles to connect with it fully. Her technique is solid. She found the beats and shifted breath and focus in the right places. The anguish, however, stayed on the surface and heightened. Her performance was more inferred than embodied, and she remained ungrounded.

So I gave her a note I’ve given many actors before her: “Particularize your son.” She nodded. She knew what I meant.

In actor training, particularly within the Meisner tradition, particularization is a foundational method for grounding performance in emotional truth, and it’s often misunderstood. Particularization in Meisner’s framework is not the same as the imaginative substitution associated with Stanislavski’s “Magic If.” The “Magic If” asks the actor to imagine themselves in the character’s situation—”What would I do if my son were taken from me?”—and then to act from that imagined scenario. This technique can be useful, as it encourages imaginative entry into a character’s world. But it relies on hypothetical identification; on asking ‘what if’ rather than anchoring the moment in lived emotional truth.

Meisner’s approach is different. It does not rely on imagining how one might feel in a fictional situation. It asks the actor to bring something real into the room. Something personal, visceral, and emotionally immediate. When I asked my student to particularize her son, I was not asking her to pretend to be a grieving mother. I was asking her to locate, in her own life, a person whose loss would pierce her. It could be a nephew, a younger brother, a godchild; anyone she has known and loved. Particularization is not fantasy. It is emotional preparation. The actor identifies a core emotional truth and allows that truth to live inside the moment.

This act is deliberate and vulnerable. It involves risk, attention, and a willingness to be seen. Because the actor is not pretending to feel, they are allowing themselves to feel. They are not trying to generate an emotion; they are giving themselves permission to respond to something that already holds weight in their inner world. Meisner insisted that acting lives in behavior, not in ideas. The words of a script are not the truth. The behavior underneath the words is where the truth resides.

When an actor says, “My son is gone,” the goal is not to deliver the line convincingly. The goal is to experience the truth of the line in real time. To say it while bearing the weight of one’s own emotional stakes. Particularization enables this. It shifts the actor from performing to being.

Still, something was missing. Despite her strong technique, something in her body remained disengaged. The truth hovered at the edges of the performance but never fully arrived. She wore the grief like a garment, but it had not yet reached her center.

This is a moment I have seen many times before. The student understands everything intellectually. The beats are there. The breath work is honest. And still, something inside hesitates. The mind approaches something emotionally risky, and the body pulls back. It happens quickly, often invisibly. A short-circuit. A retreat from vulnerability.

They stop mid-imagining. Mid-feeling. Mid-play.

This phenomenon is increasingly common. The cause appears to be cultural. We are watching a generation experience limited access to its imaginative life, not from apathy or lack of talent, but from being conditioned to remain just outside the threshold of deep interiority.

What fractures their concentration? What prevents them from crossing into full imaginative immersion?

Several things come to mind.

Sanford Meisner defined good acting as “living truthfully under imaginary circumstances.” Acting depends on entering. The actor allows themselves to be changed by what they imagine. In those moments, fiction becomes felt reality.

Meisner’s exercises do not focus on displaying emotion. They create conditions in which emotion arises organically. The goal is to engage the body before the mind intervenes with commentary or self-protection. Acting, in this view, requires attention; deep, sustained, emotional attention.

This is where the struggle appears.

Many students today experience difficulty maintaining emotional attention beyond a few seconds. Their minds are quick. Their instincts are strong. Yet under the weight of prolonged inner focus, their attention fractures. This does not stem from apathy, but from exhaustion. Their habits have been shaped by technologies and cultural rhythms that favor speed, fragmentation, and external validation over interior stillness.

A 2022 study published in Nature Communications found that global attention spans as measured by patterns of media engagement, have diminished over the past two decades. Our minds now pursue novelty more than depth. This shift influences more than productivity. It reshapes presence itself. It reconfigures the architecture of imagination.

Where actors once learned to build an imagined world and dwell in it, students today often find themselves pulled back by an invisible thread. They experience the impulse to check, to hesitate, to self-correct. Even in silence, they sense an audience. When external attention dominates, internal vision struggles to take root.

What I observe in the studio speaks to more than acting. It reflects a broader cultural wound. A drifting away from solitude. A quiet that grows more elusive. A loss of what the educator Charlotte Mason called “the habit of the reflective life.” In Mason’s view, imagination is a moral capacity. To imagine well is to love well. The capacity to enter another’s experience nurtures empathy, endurance, and attention. Like any virtue, it strengthens through practice.

How does one train imagination in a world of interruption?

This erosion of imaginative endurance presents a pressing concern. It reaches beyond the artist. It speaks to anyone seeking a meaningful existence amid constant noise. The deep spaces where empathy takes form, convictions clarify, and quiet truths surface depend on interior cultivation. A society that nurtures imagination forms individuals who respond with discernment and depth.

Classical educators have long understood the affinity between imagination and truth. Plato, though cautious of the poets, affirmed that metaphor helps the soul ascend toward the Good. Aristotle praised catharsis as a soul-cleansing process through imitation. Centuries later, C. S. Lewis called imagination the “organ of meaning.” Through it, knowledge gains emotional resonance. Facts become deeply known.

Contemporary students navigate a world full of information and comparisons. Previous generations may have asked, “Will I do something meaningful?” Today’s students often wonder, “Can I create something distinct enough to matter?”

This is the cost of saturation. So many voices, so many images, so many claims on the imagination cause silence to feel irrelevant. Stillness begins to feel misaligned with progress. In such an environment, the long breath required for full imaginative entry feels like a rarity.

And yet that long breath must return. We can help restore it.

Imagination brings shape to stories. It deepens relationships. It sustains a sense of mystery, sacredness, beauty, and possibility. Rather than vanishing, imagination waits. It remains present beneath the surface noise. It endures through fractured attention and abandoned moments of thought. It waits for breath. For solitude. For the courage to enter again.

In my work with students, I encourage them to slow down, not as a strategy, but as a way of being. They are learning to stay present inside a moment, linger with an image, and let silence stretch. Not everything needs to resolve quickly. Some truths arrive only through stillness, and meaning often deepens through sustained practice rather than polished execution.

Imagination does not pull us away from the world. It grounds us more deeply in it. It sharpens perception. It draws our focus toward what lasts. This is why Shakespeare continues to speak, and why Meisner’s invitation to live truthfully in imagined circumstances still carries weight. These are not artistic artifacts. They are instruments of renewal.

✨ If you’d like to keep reading more essays like this, you can also find me on Substack: https://substack.com/@jillszoowilson