By Jill Szoo Wilson
Writer | Theatre Artist | Educator
Pathological narcissism is often described through its most visible features: grandiosity, entitlement, and a persistent need for admiration. Yet some of its most confusing effects develop beneath the visible behavior, in the ways another person is represented internally, divided into opposing versions, drawn into contests for loyalty, narrated to other people, and gradually separated from confidence in her own perception.
How Narcissism Works is a five-part essay series examining those mechanisms through introjects, splitting, triangulation, smear campaigns, and gaslighting. Each essay brings psychodynamic theory and contemporary research into the life of a fictional couple, Daniel and Lena. Their unfolding relationship gives the concepts a human shape, while every essay remains accessible as a complete piece on its own.
The series begins inside Daniel’s mind and gradually moves outward: from the internal image he forms of Lena, to the divisions he creates around her, the third parties he brings into the relationship, the public story he tells, and the pressure that story places on Lena’s trust in what she knows. Read together, the essays show how private psychological defenses can expand into a relational system that reorganizes another person’s reality.
Essay #1—Introjects: The Version of You That Lives in Someone Else’s Mind
An introject is the version of another person that lives in the mind, allowing a relationship to continue across absence. This opening essay examines what changes in pathological narcissism when that internal figure becomes rigid and acquires greater authority than the living person. Drawing on object-relations theory alongside Sam Vaknin’s model of snapshotting, it follows the movement from idealization to a relationship in which the partner is expected to conform to a psychological image.
Essay #2—Splitting: When a Narcissist Sees You as All Good or All Bad
Splitting keeps idealized and devalued versions of another person separate, allowing whichever version is active to feel like the whole truth. This second essay follows Daniel as admiration turns to devaluation and even his memories change meaning to protect his injured self-image. Drawing on the work of Melanie Klein and Otto Kernberg, it contrasts Daniel’s divided view of his partner with Lena’s ability to place a loving gesture and a blocked doorway inside one accurate history.
Essay #3—Triangulation: When a Narcissist Brings Someone Else Into the Relationship
Triangulation moves pressure between two people through a third, giving a private interpretation the weight of social proof. This third essay follows two triangles in Daniel and Lena’s relationship: a protective sister who carries Daniel’s account after the separation and an admiring colleague whose praise becomes a measure of Lena’s affection. Drawing on Murray Bowen’s family-systems theory and research on narcissistic status pursuit, it distinguishes support that preserves choice from alliances that turn concern into leverage.
Essay #4—Smear Campaigns: When a Narcissist Tells Your Story for You
A smear campaign carries a private verdict into public life, where selective truth and repetition can acquire the appearance of proof. This fourth essay follows Daniel’s devalued image of Lena as it spreads through friends and family, turning private self-protection into public reputational harm. Research on narcissistic rivalry, gossip, aggression, and the illusory truth effect explains how the story gains force, while Sam Vaknin names the comparison at its center: making Lena smaller allows Daniel to feel larger.
Essay #5—Gaslighting: How a Narcissist Makes You Doubt What You Know
Gaslighting places a person’s ability to know what happened inside the dispute itself, turning memory and judgment into evidence against her. This final essay follows Daniel’s revised account of the blocked doorway as every earlier mechanism converges: his internal Lena supplies the character, splitting makes her cruel, triangulation supplies witnesses, and the smear campaign distributes the verdict until gaslighting sends it home with her. Drawing on contemporary research, Miranda Fricker’s concept of epistemic injustice, and Sam Vaknin’s work on confabulation and gaslighting by proxy, it shows why attacking self-trust becomes a form of control.
The Intellectual Foundations of the Series
Melanie Klein — psychoanalyst whose object-relations theory shaped the concepts of internal objects and splitting.
Otto F. Kernberg — psychiatrist and psychoanalyst known for his work on narcissistic personality organization, idealization, and devaluation.
Murray Bowen — psychiatrist and founder of family-systems theory, including the concept of emotional triangles.
Miranda Fricker — philosopher who developed the concept of epistemic injustice, which helps explain the deeper harm caused by gaslighting.
Sam Vaknin — author of Malignant Self-Love whose conceptual work on snapshotting, confabulation, gaslighting by proxy, and narcissistic relational dynamics informs several essays in the series.
Jill Szoo Wilson 