Casual Impact

By Jill Szoo Wilson

One cold, misty evening in January, I was sitting on my couch, scrolling through a website that lists job openings in my area. I was looking for a part-time position to run in tandem with my teaching assignment for the Spring semester. While my teaching load for the following school year included an overload between courses and directing a play, my Spring semester had quietly unraveled. Three classes had dwindled to one due to enrollment. Then that single class was enrolled at half capacity, which meant I would receive half of my pay.

I was still just as eager to begin the semester. The work itself had not diminished. But I needed to supplement what had quietly disappeared.

Anyone who has lived inside contract work in higher education knows its strange duality. The work is beautifully fulfilling and wildly unpredictable. During the first decade after graduate school, I averaged five classes per semester and often directed a show or coached a forensics team. I taught at two major universities, one surrounded by fields and open sky, the other pressed into the pulse of the city. On any given week, I might hear speeches about crop rotation and cattle auctions, then read papers on bioethics or constitutional law. I moved between farm boots and briefcases without leaving the classroom.

That panoply of subjects, people, and cultures has been a jewel box in my life. I did not take it lightly.

Two weeks ago, I chose to leave higher education. Not because it failed me. Not because I lacked joy there. A casual couch scroll opened a door I had not been seeking. A senior writing role at a large nonprofit ministry drifted across my screen. The position was full-time. I was searching for part-time. I still do not know why it appeared before me.

Yet as I read the description, something in my stomach came alive. It felt like excitement braided with fear. The kind of recognition that arrives before logic can intervene. A little too good to be true.

So I applied.

After a rigorous interview process, I received the phone call that shifted the trajectory of my career. As of today, I have completed my first week as a professional writer. I will also be able to weave in my love of performance by coaching actors and eventually directing in-house video and on-screen advertising projects.

Gratitude feels too small a word. But it is the truest one I have.

If you have followed my writing for any length of time, you know that my life detonated in 2020. There have been extraordinary highs and devastating lows since then. I will not rehearse those chapters here. I will say this: 2020 taught me that as long as we can breathe into the palms of our hands, we have choices. And life will change.

Sometimes it explodes. You hear the pieces fly overhead and crash down around you like shards of nuclear glass.

More often, life alters you quietly. It presses into the most meaningful parts of who you are becoming with a force so subtle you almost miss it. Sometimes change comes in the middle of a storm on the high seas, with sharks circling below. Other times it arrives with a sip of chamomile tea and the small square of space your finger occupies on a trackpad.

In the meantime, God. Always God. Orchestrating. Allowing the good, the bad, and the heartbreaking to fashion you into who you are becoming, at both the cellular level and in the broad strokes of His artistry.

Over the past year, I wrote more than I had ever written before. As that season began to close, I realized how much I would miss the act itself. The shaping of sentences. The long wrestle toward clarity. That realization drew me toward this new role. Especially once I saw that I could invert the hierarchy I had lived within for years. Writing would become the vocation. Theatre would become the ministry.

I have learned to keep my eyes awake. Not merely open, but awake to the possibilities of being alive inside a life that refuses to remain fixed. We cling to routines, to jobs, to people, to time itself. We hold them tightly as we dodge and sometimes integrate the slings and arrows that fly across this world. Yet life keeps moving. And so must we.

I will end with this.

Yesterday evening, I was hiking through a wood I know well. As sunset approached, the shadows lengthened and the creatures that run across the forest floor and the birds that alight above grew restless. It was loud. Urgent. Like an airport terminal at dusk. Everyone coming and going, crossing and recrossing the same narrow paths.

I stopped.

My stillness felt amplified against the constant motion around me. Above me stood tall, thriving trees preparing themselves for Spring. At my sides lay trunks that had fallen long ago, softened by time and weather. Growth and decay in the same frame. Arrival and departure breathing the same air.

And in the midst of it, I thought, This is life.

And it is beautiful.

Poem: Drenched

Once I was told that Hope

Is the sky filled with sunshine

That it spreads like light,

Floats like a helium filled balloon,

Dances like the tail of a kite.


I wondered at this metaphor

Sprawling amidst the wind

Like a howling current

Vibrating on the wings of

Birds that flap before they soar.


Can Hope be so far

Above my head

Where only flying things

Rise to tread

And I on the ground

Watching

Awaiting release

Of a treasure trove

Unlatched and

Spilling down?


What if Hope is more like rain—

A simile easier to attain—

It does not gently lie atop

The atmosphere but

Is conjured inside storms

Like a witch’s brew

Bubbling through with contents

Thrown into a fiery caldron

Until that time when

The pressure built, releases.


Storm-soaked orbs floating down

Subject to the whims of

Gusts above and around

Hollow of motivation

Innocent as they fall to the ground.

And we, in soggy shoes,

Choose to stay

In the rain

Marinate

Let it penetrate

All the way through—

Some people run for cover

But not us

Not the dreamers

Or the lovers

Or the ones who understand

That the storms

Force the hands

Of Hope and of those

Stubborn in their wills

To see the brightness

Ahead—

Withstanding

Steeping

In watery expectation.


My friend,

If they tell you

Hope is the sun

Smile, nod and

Move along

With squeaky shoes

Leaving tracks

On the ground

To be found by those

Who seek the courage to drown.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2026

Poem: Surrender

He found me in the middle of a war

Or maybe I should say

We found one another


The way two sleepy people—

Heads hanging down

Looking at the ground—

Bumps heads and

Mutter softly,

“Excuse me.”


I behind my shield

Holding to the leather strap

With knuckles white

Hands calloused where my grip

Could not afford to wane

Despite the pain

Of taking blows

And whispering low,

“How much longer?”


He to the left of his sword

Filled with ink

Black and dripping

Onto the page

Bleeding through

Pigments of rage and

Unanswered fear

Composing his mantra,

“What purpose here?”


We met on the battlefield

Surprised and confused

To find company

In the midst of assumed

Isolation

Comforted and ashamed

Of the devastation

We wore like scars and tattoos,

“Come no closer.”


Lucky for me

His eyes were exposed

Unprotected and flashing life

Like a flickering neon sign

Hanging in a window

Passed by thousands

Noticed by few

The shades drawn tight but,

“Open.”


Lucky for him

My grip was weakening

Armor slipping

He saw that I was breathing

Still awake but

Dirty from the fight

Ashamed of the darkness

But longing to ignite,

“Alive.”


We lifted our hands

Almost at the same time

Palms facing the other

Skin cracked and dry

Touching to confirm

Poetry written in the sky

In the form of sunshine

Warm and personified,

“I am here.”


I lowered my defense

He drew something new

Between my mind and my breast

We gazed and we grew

I, he, we began to smile

Said too much

Then nothing at all

Fear melting

Trust erecting a bridge to,

“Surrender.”

© Jill Szoo Wilson

Poem: Only a Hand

His hand was only a hand

With veins that rose and fell

Like gently rolling waves

A dip and a swell

Giving life to all within

Beneath the water and his skin.


His brush was only a brush

With bristles short and soft

Like freshly growing grass

Subject to the windy wafts

Of springtime growing new

Filling in the lines he drew.


His eye was only an eye

With so much more behind

Like the shade of green

That bends and winds

Beneath the skin inside her wrist

Deeper still before a kiss.


His art was only art

With confines of space and wood

Like the forest she explored

In the freedom of childhood

Filled with shadows and light

An expanse of elation and fright.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2026

Poem: Woman Waking

She lifted her hands toward the sky—

White and heavy with snow-laden clouds—

And stretched all the way through

From the tips of her fingers

To the delicate curves of her ankles:

A sound flew and then fell from her lips.


It was a sigh of awake, a dream of asleep—

Her breath still deep but rising to the surface—

She could see the wrinkles of her pillow

Branded into her face, holding on

Until they too had to fall from her cheeks

And rise, like steam from a cup of coffee.


The birds outside her window sang—

Songs of newness, routines and plans—

And then they were muted by the clamor

Of coffee beans bursting with fragrance

And tones more lively than even the birds

Could muster through beaks that sip only water.


She sat at her table wearing pajamas—

White cotton speckled with flowers of pink—

And she touched the tip of her mug

To lips that had not yet spoken into the day

But made only the sound of awake

And she swallowed the warmth as she thought.


Her thinking became clear and her eyes became bright—

Brightened like snow when the sun begins to shine—

A plan began to spin and to whir

Like the cogs in a machine newly oiled,

The sound of movement—of forward—

And she hopped on the sound like a wave.


Into the day she rode on an idea with wings—

The feathers were big like those of an angel—

Her hair blew backward and also to the sides

Into air that felt the way water feels

When at first the faucet cascades

Before the heat of hot has time to warm.


She was not sure where she was going—

The going was more important than the where—

Beating inside her was a heart

Burning inside was a feeling

Rising inside was a hope that

Waking was only the beginning.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2026

Today’s Students Want to Be in the Room

By Jill Szoo Wilson

When I first began teaching, I was greatly concerned with following the rules. The structure. I wanted to be excellent at classroom management, precise in my instruction, and certain that I was building lessons in keeping with the professional writing on schema and constructivist philosophy. In those early years, my focus was largely on myself as a teacher. I cared deeply about my students and always understood teaching as an act of service. I simply did not yet know where I could soften the scaffolding of instruction. A great deal has changed since then.

Over the last several years, I have begun to understand listening less as a technique and more as a pedagogical stance. It has moved from the periphery of my classroom practice to its organizing principle. The shift did not originate in theory alone, though constructivist philosophy prepared the ground. It emerged in response to the students themselves.

The students I have this year feel different from the cohort that came immediately before them, and in some ways, more familiar to me. They remind me of the people I went to college with. There is the same restless energy that marks young adulthood, though it no longer carries quite the same sharpened edge of constant self-performance. The previous group often felt harder to reach, their attention shaped by the pressure of perpetual visibility. This year’s students carry that pressure as well, yet they seem fatigued by it. Many are attempting to return to the room, to inhabit the present rather than curate it.

Their uncertainty does not read as performance. It feels like an honest hesitation about what it means to be seen in a world where exposure easily becomes spectacle. Distinctiveness may generate engagement on TikTok and offer a fleeting sense of identity, yet it does little to cultivate the steadiness required to share presence with another human being.

As I have written elsewhere, the animating question of my generation was, “What is the meaning of all this?” The question I hear now has shifted: “In all this meaning, what is the truth?” My Fall 2025 Introduction to Theatre class coined the term “Meta-Absurdism” to describe this condition. They were searching for language to articulate the experience of living inside interpretive saturation, where every moment arrives pre-framed, pre-commented upon, and already circulating before one has had time to encounter it directly. The struggle, as they described it, is not a deficit of meaning but an overabundance. The difficulty lies in its density.

That conversation lingered with me through winter break. Their description of being submerged in unending interpretation suggested something deeper than cultural noise. Beneath the compression of commentary and analysis, I sensed a more elemental need, one that had not yet found adequate expression.

To serve them well, we must respond at that level. The most powerful thing we can offer is not more framing, not sharper analysis, not quicker interpretation. It is attention. It is listening.

Listening is often described as a supporting skill in theatre training, yet its function is far more elemental. It is the ground beneath technique, the stabilizing force that allows every other aspect of the craft to take shape. Without it, even the most refined method hardens into display. Long before the modern acting classroom adopted the language of “listening,” Stanislavski articulated its essence. His writings on communion describe a disciplined form of attention in which the performer redirects focus away from the monitored performance of the self and toward the living reality of the partner. Communion exceeds mere awareness. It is reciprocal attention, the willingness to allow the other person’s truth to sculpt the moment.

By “truth,” we do not mean biographical fact or private confession. We mean the actor’s lived behavior in the present: the modulation of the voice, the shift of weight, the breath that precedes thought, the emotional temperature that forms without effort. These observable adjustments cannot be manufactured or predicted. They emerge as the natural consequence of attention. When an actor listens, they permit the real impulses of their partner to shape both internal and external response. The partner’s truth becomes the sculpting force that continually reshapes the unfolding moment.

To allow another actor’s truth to shape the moment requires the relinquishment of control. The performer sets aside the illusion of executing a predetermined design—how the line will sound, where the gesture will land, which emotion will dominate—and permits their choices to be redirected by what they receive. A hesitation, a quickened pace, a softening in the partner’s voice becomes an artistic pressure that alters the next impulse. The scene remains alive because it is formed not through private invention but through the tension of two attentions meeting in real time.

This shift carries profound pedagogical implications. Many beginning actors assume their task is to express: to display an emotion, clarify an intention, or demonstrate understanding. Listening reorders that hierarchy. Expression follows reception. The actor does not begin with what they intend to project but with what they are prepared to receive. Meaning takes shape inside relationship, where something shared begins to move between people.

This is the heart of communion: the recognition that authenticity onstage is revealed through relationship. When actors allow their partners’ impulses to shape their own, they enter the shared field where theatre actually happens, a field in which presence is not displayed but exchanged.

Stanislavski did not use the contemporary vocabulary of “listening,” yet the discipline he describes aligns closely with what modern pedagogy identifies as the actor’s most fundamental skill: the capacity to let awareness travel outward (Stanislavski, An Actor PreparesBuilding a Character). His system makes clear that technique succeeds only insofar as the actor relinquishes the self-protective habit of monitoring and enters the dynamic exchange of communion. What emerges from that shift is not performance but encounter; the moment when the life of the partner becomes the organizing force of the scene, and the actor responds from connection rather than construction (Stanislavski, An Actor Prepares).

Stanislavski helps us see what listening makes possible onstage, yet the reason it matters so deeply in the classroom extends beyond performance. Many of our students move through the world feeling unanchored, flooded by information yet starved for genuine reception. They are bright and capable, but often unsure where their own voices begin beneath the noise that surrounds them. Theatre pedagogy, when rooted in listening, becomes a place where they can be gathered rather than scattered. Listening allows us to meet them where they are, to steady their attention, and to let them experience the quiet dignity of being heard without having to perform for it. In that moment, psychology and craft meet. We are not simply teaching acting; we are helping students locate themselves again. Listening becomes an affirmation that their inner life carries weight, that their presence matters, and that their voice can emerge within relationship rather than in isolation.

Meisner and the Practice of Being Changed

Meisner’s repetition work leads students into the same territory Stanislavski describes, though he arrives there through a form that is striking in its simplicity (Meisner and Longwell). Two students sit across from each other. One makes a concrete observation, such as “You look nervous” or “You’re smiling,” and the other repeats it. The language remains plain, free of interpretation or embellishment. At first, the students feel awkward and self-conscious, as though they are performing a meaningless task. Yet the structure is doing something essential. It is clearing mental space.

Repetition removes the usual distractions that pull young actors away from the present moment. They are not asked to invent emotion, craft a backstory, or plan a choice. They are asked to observe. The exercise strips away the impulse to be interesting and replaces it with the discipline of noticing what is directly in front of them. Gradually, repetition loosens the mental habits that have shaped them for years. They begin to release the tendency to plan ahead, curate themselves, or manage perception. With each exchange, attention shifts away from the internal monologue that governs much of daily life and toward the partner encountered in real time.

This is the heart of the exercise. Repetition invites the actor to enter the moment without agenda and to let attention settle on the lived behavior emerging between them. As they echo what they observe, they begin to feel how a partner’s smallest shifts can alter the emotional temperature of the exchange. The work becomes less about producing responses and more about allowing responses to arise. Over time, the exercise cultivates a quiet confidence in the actor’s capacity to be shaped by another person’s behavior. They stop reaching for significance and begin to recognize that the scene is already forming within shared attention.

This shift is transformative. Many students, especially those formed within digital culture, are accustomed to managing their image. They monitor gesture, expression, and tone with the precision of editors shaping content. Repetition interrupts that pattern. It grants permission to stop curating and begin responding. It creates a protected space in which feeling does not need to be immediately converted into display.

For students who spend much of their lives being watched yet rarely received, this work becomes more than a technique. It becomes a rehearsal for presence. It teaches them how to be affected without losing themselves, how to be changed by another person in ways that feel grounded and authentic. In this sense, repetition offers not only a method for acting but a means of reclaiming voice. That reclamation occurs not through outward projection but through the experience of being heard in the presence of another human being.

The Lineage of Listening

Listening in the art of acting has a lineage. Throughout the twentieth century, major practitioners approached it from different angles, yet each returned to a shared conviction: actors learn to act by learning to attend.

Spolin introduces listening through improvisation, giving students their first embodied experience of responding without preplanning (Improvisation for the Theater). Her games may appear playful, yet they place rigorous demands on attention. Students must register what is offered, adjust in real time, and remain available to change. The moment their focus drifts into planning, the scene loses its pulse. Spolin shows that spontaneity grows not from clever invention but from disciplined noticing. Listening steadies the uncertainty inherent in improvisation and gives it shape.

Grotowski deepens attention by removing what obstructs it (Towards a Poor Theatre). His training asks students to release muscular tension and the habitual defenses that dull perception. As those patterns fall away, sensitivity begins to widen. Students register shifts in breath, stance, and impulse. Listening moves beyond auditory awareness and becomes a full-bodied practice in which the entire field of behavior is taken in with clarity.

Brook widens this field still further to include space itself (The Empty Space). He teaches that theatre arises in the charged distance between people, not within any isolated individual. Students recognize this when shared focus alters the atmosphere of a room. Meaning forms within that space of mutual attention. Listening becomes a way of organizing experience rather than a technique applied to it.

Hagen returns attention to the texture of ordinary life (Respect for Acting). She treats observation as foundational rather than supplemental. Her exercises ask students to watch behavior as it unfolds: how a voice carries emotion before words surface, how physical stance shifts under pressure, how circumstance shapes response. Listening, in her view, develops through disciplined attention to the immediate world.

Taken together, these practitioners outline a quiet progression.
Spolin awakens attention.
Grotowski deepens it.
Brook widens it.
Hagen sustains it.

What holds their work in conversation is the understanding that listening forms the basis of connection. It steadies students who feel scattered. It slows perception so the moment can be met rather than managed. As students work within this lineage, they begin to experience incremental but unmistakable change: nervous systems settle, awareness sharpens, and the impulse to grip the moment loosens. Listening becomes less a performed skill and more a way of being that grounds them in the classroom, onstage, and within their own lives.

Theatre becomes a place where they learn to locate themselves again.

Teaching as Encounter

This understanding reshaped my teaching more deeply than any technique I once tried to master. Structure still supports the work, and craft still gives it shape, yet neither reaches a student until a relationship begins to form. Listening opened that threshold for me. It clarified the difference between the appearance of engagement and the experience of it. It reminded me that presence has weight, that a classroom gathers its meaning not through display but through the way people meet one another inside a moment.

Students arrive having spent years monitoring themselves. They know how to be visible. They know how to be evaluated. What they have practiced far less is the quiet reciprocity through which actual contact takes place. When the work turns toward listening, the atmosphere inside the room begins to shift. Responsibility for the moment no longer rests on a single pair of shoulders. Attention is shared. The room grows lighter. Conversation begins to feel less managed and more alive, shaped by what emerges rather than by what is performed.

Listening as Ethical Formation

For this reason, listening stands at the ethical center of theatre pedagogy. It requires humility and patience. It asks students to allow another person to matter in ways that influence the moment. Within a culture saturated with reaction and self-presentation, this demand is significant. Listening rehearses a different mode of being.

As the practice deepens, students develop steadier relationships with tension. They learn to remain present when meaning feels unsettled, to respond without tightening around outcome, and to sustain attention when perspectives diverge. These capacities grow gradually through repeated experiences of meeting another person with openness.

In time, theatre becomes more than performance training. It becomes a small version of shared life, something students can feel in the room before they name it. Students experience how attention is distributed across a room, how meaning forms between people, and how mutual awareness can hold both ease and difficulty. The ensemble ceases to be an abstraction and becomes a lived structure.

Listening prepares students for these relationships wherever they encounter them. It offers a way of moving through the world that is grounded, perceptive, and responsive to the lives unfolding around them.

Returning to the Beginning

When I first began teaching, I believed that if I prepared well enough, the room would respond. I trusted in structure almost instinctively. I built detailed lesson plans, mapped the arc of discussions in advance, designed assignments that felt coherent and defensible, and told myself that this was what seriousness looked like. In many ways, it was. Structure gave me confidence. It kept me from wasting their time. It allowed me to enter the classroom with a sense that I had done my part. But after enough years had passed, I began to notice that something essential could still be missing even when everything on paper was sound. A room could be organized and still feel unreachable. Students could complete every step of a well-designed exercise and remain strangely untouched by it. The work was happening, but it was not always connecting.

That realization did not arrive as a theory. It arrived as an observation. I began to notice when a student stopped bracing. I began to notice when a discussion shifted from performance into response. I began to notice how quickly the energy in a room changed once students sensed that they were not being watched for error. Their breathing slowed. Their speech lengthened. Their thoughts stopped fragmenting mid-sentence. The difference was not dramatic, and it did not produce applause. It produced attention. And attention, once it gathered, seemed to hold the work in a way no structure could accomplish on its own.

Students now come into the classroom already dispersed by the world they inhabit. Their attention has been pulled outward in so many directions before they ever sit down. There is commentary waiting for them, evaluation waiting for them, and visibility waiting for them. Listening cannot erase that atmosphere; it simply creates a different one inside the room. It makes it possible for students to experience a moment in which they are not curating themselves. Something shifts when they realize they are being met rather than measured. They begin to respond instead of adjusting.

Over time, I found that what I had once tried to secure through structure was actually emerging through attention. The lesson plan still mattered. The exercise still mattered. The craft still mattered. But they came alive only when they felt safe enough to inhabit the work itself. When listening became the ground of the work, the classroom no longer felt like a place where competence had to be demonstrated. It began to feel like a place where presence could be practiced.

That change is difficult to quantify, but it is unmistakable when it happens. Students begin to stay with one another a little longer. They hesitate before interrupting. They allow silence to do some of the work. They begin to experience themselves as part of something shared rather than as individuals managing their own projection. In those moments, they are not trying to locate themselves through output. They are locating themselves through relation. The rest follows from there.

Poem: Lighthouse Hero

She called to him

Beneath a veil of night

When summer wore

Its hottest mask

Wax and dripping

Onto the earth

Leaving sticky puddles

Drenched and drying fast.

He was ill equipped

From skin to guts

No cape in his wardrobe

Or spectacles to hide his eyes

Paralyzed

By the fear–

No not the fear–

The knowing.

Knowing that his will

To fight for love

Was vacuum packed

And wrapped in moth balls,

It wreaked of age and of

The stench of desperate attempts

And falls–

Memories of unanswered calls.

Calls for him to be the one

The victor in the storm

Brimming to capacity

With strength enough to

Hold her heart–

At least her hand–

Across jagged tightropes

Stretching over pits of sand.

Quicksand questions

Lined with glue

Meant to close the chasm

Between expectation and

What is true–

Catechisms from the past

Never brought to light

Long enough

For queries to last.

What lasted was uncertainties

And now he paid the price

Not wanting to lose

Her

But unprepared to fight

All he could muster

Was a broken hero’s

Journey into night.

Night fell

Long past its time as

Summer solstice

Lazily drew its haze

Upon a sultry sky–

Like the afterglow

Of a camera’s flash

Imprinted behind the eye.

Eyes heavy with fatigue

Propped open by ambition

He pulled his jeans up high

Belted at the waist

Sat on the dew-drenched seat

Slicing through salt

Like he was a Sodomite Sculptor

Entering the competition.

A competition

Against himself

Against the doubt

Bubbling through

His tightening veins

Waking him from

Slumber of uncertainty to

Valor through adversity.

Adverse conditions

In the black

Gave way

As light he carried

Burned a path

Radiant as day–

Along the way he set it down

The dread that he had nothing to give.

He gave her a coordinate–

It was all he had–

A map written in the air

To help her find him

Approaching beneath a beacon

Brave and bright

Like a compass

More meticulous than starlight.

Starlight led her way

Across a stretch of sand

The edge of land

And water

Lapping against her skin

Deep and

Deeper still

She wandered toward the glow.

Glowing first as though a firefly

Small and far away

His vessel cutting through

The foam, mocking delay

For time no longer mattered

As slow their paths came near

He, soaked with ocean

She, doused in tears.

Her tears were anvils

From her soul

Releasing injured expectation

She felt her heaviness go–

Fly

Into the heavens

Where drafts outweighed

The currents swirling down below.

She never saw below

The hidden treasure trove

Inside his hidden space

The place

Where thought and emotion

Ruptured like burdened banks

To flood his heart and

Overflow–

Overflows of adrenaline

Like rain

Saturated and drowned his pain

Leaving only

In the boat

He and the lighthouse he kept

For her

A flame no longer detained.

No act of the Furies could detain

His passage toward her eyes

The two he knew without seeing

He could feel at the side of his neck,

Glimpse behind the pillow

Where once she lay

Inside his dreams

And–in the middle of day.

The glow began to grow

He rowed like a man

Pursued by death

And she

Released a laugh

That tore his heart

From two parts into one–

He dropped the oars so he could run.

He ran to just before her

Then stopped to etch her

All

Inside his mind

Where secrets forever kept

Could burrow, rest and hide,

"I came for you,"

He said–

She already knew

But she feigned a big surprise,

"I wondered at that

single point

upon the horizon growing

never knowing

whether I should run away

or stay."

"I am glad you stayed,"

He kicked some sand

Between his shoes

And cleared his tightening throat,

"Now that you have

would you allow

this reluctant pirate

to stay here, too?"

She blew out the candle

Burning above his face–

No need to keep it lit

Inside this place

Where journey’s end

Had come to rest–

"I never really lost you,” he said–

"Then I was never really lost."

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2026

Poem: Exit, Stage Left

You left the room
with a clumsy flourish,
the door slammed quickly—
reverberating force
like a vacuum cleaner
shaking the dust, until
every corner rattled, left clean,
untraceable—
the map you had in your hand
a plan
long before anyone knocked.
You ran.

But you forgot about me.

You fled the scene
like a small boy whose shadows
stalked him
though he could not hear
the others say,
"That's simply the moonlight
trailing behind as it breaks
upon your face."
Merely a shadow.
I was the one whose voice you heard
I was still there—
I ran to the door
watched you flee,
from the entrance
you turned into an
exit.

But you forgot about me.

You closed the door with a lie.
Later
I closed the door with the truth—
One isn't better than the other.

Yes it is.

You had a victim's mask in your pocket
all along—
pieces of your defense
glued together
at my expense
wrought in a place of false pretense
cutting the edges of your hands
shaking at the moment of
planned dispense—
the past is a map.

Now I see

what before I missed.

(There is no before . . .
Sure there is.)

You were the one who always
showed up
until showing came with a price
which is not showing to give
but to take what you could
while fingering the razor
you'd use to excise,
lingering as long
as I was the sacrifice—
your comfort the key
my love the prize
your time a carrot
my loyalty a vice.

But you misread me.

I was telling the truth all along—
on the notes of every song
in the lines of the poems
and walks in the sand
in the gaze of my eyes
the touch of your hand
the finding and seeing
hearing, agreeing,
unfolding, repeating,
the four loves
and being—
freeing.

But you didn't see me.

I was there.
I remember it all.
I know the true parts
and the ones you call false—
what you call a dirge
was clearly a waltz
one-two-three, one-two-three,
I wasn't weak—
that’s never been me—
life has taught me resilience,
presence,
when to be quiet and
when to speak.

But now you can’t hear me.

I said the truth
with a slam—
for every action there is reaction—
that's what I teach.
You were "the other,"
my other,
I paid attention in full—
you had it all—
then, it was a gift to you
now, a gift to me
because as I look back I can see
we—you and me—
found our way to
living truthfully.
These scenes lay unrevised,
unchanged by your alterations—
the story is the same
no slight of hand
will defy the playwrights’ vision
like a Choose Your Own Adventure can—
the plot is still thick
(you know it's so)
we wrote the pages
created the spaces where each scene would go.

But you upstaged yourself and I left it all on the boards.

The places we graced
now empty stages
but stages withstand
construction and striking,
building up and tearing down
don't change reality
or the things we knew
the verbs, the nouns—
as the ghost light rolls on
what changes is
me
and yes,
even you—
and so, we.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2023

Poem: Stillness and Wind

“You can observe a lot
just by watching,”
said a baseball player
who understood seasons.

Two afternoons ago,
I sat in a lecture hall
watching a man
who still loves what he does.

This, I think, is a form of generosity.

He spoke about observation
as though it were not a skill
but a posture,
something you lean into
rather than master.

Take the dandelion.

We learned its name early.
We learned it could grant wishes
if we breathed hard enough.
We learned the wind would do the rest.

Then we decided
we knew it.

Label applied.
Lesson complete.
Attention withdrawn.

The dandelion continued anyway
with its architecture,
its patience,
its quiet mathematics of return.

It kept unfolding relationships
with bees,
with soil,
with children who forgot its name
but still loved its defiance.

How many things
have we learned only enough
to stop looking?

How many people
do we greet by name
while knowing nothing
of their design?

Later, we were encouraged
to ask our questions
and then to set them down.

To watch.

Intellectual beauty likes to be solved.
Aesthetic beauty prefers to be witnessed.

One explains.
The other arrives.

So perhaps today
we step outside
without extracting meaning.

No schedules.
No proof.

Just a willingness
to stand still
long enough
for something ordinary
to show itself
as extraordinary.

And if we feel something
we cannot name,
let us resist the urge
to name it.

Let us watch.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025

Poem: Like Any Woman

It was not what she said

Instead

It was the way she held

The stem of her glass

Between freshly painted

Fingernails

Details

Red wine and red.


She breathed in and out

Like any woman would

Except

The silk in her dress

Gathered and fell

With inhale and

Exhale—

I waited for the next.


Her laugh was too loud

No clever disguise of

Civilized

Formalized veiling her mouth

Instead

Candlelit stares

In the face of she

Whose savage joy mesmerized me.


There was a soulful tune

Permeating the room

Penetrating

Armor I knew

Well beyond its usefulness

But

I had grown accustomed to

Until I felt the thrust of she.


Never before had her eyes

Encountered mine

“Hello,” I said—

Enunciation tranquilized

Words fell all the way back

And slid

To the sharpest point

Of her black high heel.


It was not that I fell mute

Instead

I dared not dilute

Fortuity in the air

With words wrapped

In coherence or

Forced insistence

Of my own understanding.


I held my hand open

For her to take

Perceiving

Gently cleaving

To the feeling

If she lay her hand in mine

Her touch would both stop and

Awaken time.

© Jill Szoo Wilson, 2025